At the zenith of understanding, there comes an influx of termites. Squash, repel or live among, which choice did I make? That is a question I still ponder to this day. I would like to believe that the way I have lived has enriched my life to make others, along with my own, experience a better place. Then I am reminded how few proportionally persons seem to like my posts on Facebook compared to others trivialities. This predicament reminds me daily of not only how futile their existence is, but how bewitched I am by envy.
I am unsure of what I have chosen has been beneficial. Not in the sense that I believe the influx of insects were detrimental (even if they were), but at what I did to alleviate the fundamental perplexity. Most of my choices were only done with little vigor and more tastes of apathy. Little seemed to matter in my mind, and this is still something I struggle with mightily on a given days affairs. I still try to impart into strangers a sense of wonder and amazement at how simpleminded their colloquialisms they repeat every day are by responding in a fashion they would very likely have never encountered before, but for what gain other than for myself to feel better about how fashionable I appear to the eye, it all seems so futile.
Yet, I enjoy life. Don’t read too much into the negativity. It is these questions that make me yearn to learn more about who I am or rather who I want to be. Again though, do I want to be anything if wanting by its very nature implies envy of something I have not yet achieved?What I should try to attain is a sense of tranquility, yet I feel frustrated every day thinking about it. What the solution is, I do not have the faculties to ascertain.
One of the five books I am reading at the moment (I have a low attention span OK) is The Tao of Psychology (a book I got for $6 at a local book store). Synchronicity and the Self is the byline for the book and its 100 pages delve into the topic of Synchronicity quite succinctly. Synchronicity is defined as:
Synchronicity is the experience of two or more events that are apparently causally unrelated, or have a small probability of simultaneous occurrence, yet are experienced as occurring together in a meaningful manner. The concept of synchronicity was first described by Carl Gustav Jung, a Swiss psychologist, in the 1920s
I bring this up because there is a section detailing dreams and what that means to a person. I remember vividly about eight dreams in my life, and one of them involved my father when I was about six or seven. My father and I were going through a maze above ground walking on what appeared concrete. We were being chased by chrome figures with demonic (don’t know how else to explain it) faces. After what felt like ten minutes of evading them, finally my father reaches the end point and asks for me to come. I look down and see the red lava flowing beneath the maze only to find the chrome hands around me. I then woke up.
So what can be surmised from this experience? Well, I’m definitely holding hands with Dad next time.