Updating The Devil’s Dictionary

Awakening, n. Derived from 1960s counter-culture USA, a strategic ambience comprising of eastern mysticism with scant amounts of yoga, surfing, and/or hiking. This doctrine holds that a human’s character can be found by letting one’s hair grow out without trimming wherever it grows.

 

Calling, n. The belief amongst advanced primates that purpose shall be found in one’s own notion of what importance is. See egotist.

 

Conspiracy theorist, n. A human person that uses the Internet, usually via chat boxes, to fulfill his/her long lost desire of importance pertaining to the world blaming ideas and institutions they never have nor ever will be a part of.

 

Conversation, n. Internal monologue given an excuse to talk aloud without appearing crazy

 

Creation, n. Advanced primate theory that an alpha male created humanity and everything around humanity in his likeness and could only communicate to primates amongst the multitude of living organisms inhabiting the primates’ planet. Asking who created the creator cannot be conceptualized as an infinite regress by adherants.

 

Depression, n. A consequence following the repression of artistic or sexual endeavors for fear of social stigmatization. Humans before European civilization manifested had no conception of what depression was; this was likely via not hearing emo-music due to the guitar not being invented yet.

 

Emasculation, n. A feminist’s concept of how to shape a man into perfection.

 

Fornication, n. A mutual agreement between unmarried man and woman that momentary joy feels totally worth the possibility of no personal freedom for the next twenty years.

 

Life, n. The gamble that this perception of reality exists after birth and before death.

 

Meditation, n. Mentation without contemplation or observation typically used by individuals that enjoy taking illegal drugs and shun prescription drugs.

 

Poetry, n. To write in a manner that no one but the creator is interested in.

 

Polemics, n. A way of arguing one viewpoint without ever conceding that the other viewpoint might contain a kernel of truth. E.g. any cable news program

 

Politican, n. Actor payed to promulgate fear for interests of large corporations via polemics. Fanatics tell disillussioned individuals that unless they start paying attention to their favorite politician that [insert fear here] shall come about which almost always comes about regardless of attention payed to.

 

Reverie, n. A mind escape that stops a worker in a repetitive environment from wanting to inflict harm on everything around him/herself. See daydream.

 

Sport, n. A regular ritual usually watched and discussed disproportionately compared to any other topic in a given day by men involving persperating humans maneuvering and/or tossing an object around.

 

Skepticism, n. 1. The non-belief belief system that what modern science says equates to tantamount truth. 2. archaic The human quality to doubt everything.

 

Taboo, n. Prohibiting social actions via massive scale hypnosis. Cottage industry spring up to fulfill taboo desires in the black market most typically amongst prostitutes and illegal drug merchants.

 

Uplifting, adj. Descriptive entertainment, usually dialogue, that tells those who exhibit little value to society that they should hear encouragement.

 

Word, n. Applicant used during social convention when pointing, then grunting no longer suffices.

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