How humor was created onto Gaia

A long, long time-space ago in a galaxy far, far beyond our grasp, laid beings whose sole (or soul depending on interpretation) purpose was to create humor in a space vastly devoid of it. This is their story.

OK, so here’s the plan. We, the Galatic Order of Droll, hitherto known as GOD, shall plant, via one of our orbital rocks, seeds that may alter the brains of primate hordes onto our latest project.”

Why would we want to alter the primates? Surely the water creatures would be less likely to harm its environment.”

Yes that is true. Yet, what animal other than a primate would volunteer to eat another mammal’s excretion, which the plan we have submitted today entails, and then have the audacity to call someone lying “bullshit”? The very thing that allowed them the capacity to reason, bullshit, shall be proclaimed profusely when utterances they do not like are heard. We must never forget our main purpose. Give us death or give us shits and giggles!”

And on that day, so it was said, GOD decided to plant their mushroom onto the planet Gaia. There were certain parts of GOD that wanted their transformation of the primate to occur via a mammal known as “pig”. One of GOD’s members, Varaha, said that it would be far more humurous if what the pig urinated out of its bladder (after eating the GOD mushroom) then drank by primate. This process would hilariously be known as to “hogwash” the brain. That plan though was dismissed after many argued it sounded too much like, “Baloney referendum #5” which said that all matters of GOD must exhibit metaphor that can clearly be translated to its subordinates.

And so on that day, GOD enacted “Baloney referendum #666” which stated that the key to changing this shitty planet known as Gaia would be to plant our mushroom into the shit of the shittiest animal we can think of. Shit was about to go down, as progressed primates would later announce (not to be misunderstood as the actual shit that went down the first primates throats).

Off the rock went speeding through the cosmos. The rock went so fast that at one point Center for Orbital Protection pulled out its instrument to make sure that it still followed the laws of interplanetary space speed. If the COP perceived the plant that could alter brain structure, the COP would have had been allowed to stop the rock. Too bad most things that were not in the COP’s clear line of sight alluded the COP’s perception.

Boom! The rock crashed. It laid all over the grassy plains where bulls roamed. Being stupid shitty animals that the bulls are, they ate the first thing they saw. Psilocybe cubensis were born, aka shat, thirty hours later.

The mushroom lay there for a while. Primates were typically skeptical of consuming mushrooms considering the death toll that was associated with injesting mushrooms. Some of the more adventurous and/or suicidal apes though decided to give it a whirl. On one such occasion three primates came upon a slew of mushrooms.

These primates held onto some produce while they made their journey to the mushroom. Once they all partook in eating the mushroom, one of them held a banana up to his mouth and pulled it back and forth in front of his face and then back and forth in front of the rump of another. And so out of all this shit, humor was born onto planet Gaia.

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